Is this what living feels like?

The knot in my stomach, the tight feeling in my chest? 

The world is on fire.

Through the sparks I have lost track of the flame.

It gets closer.

The tight feeling in my chest gets tighter.

Sometimes I struggle to breathe.

Is this what living sounds like?

I hear the clock ticking and my heart starts beating faster.

The drums of far haunt me in my sleep.

They get closer.

Blood flows faster.

Sometimes I struggle to understand.

Is this the life I am living?

I can’t see the difference between my dreams and my reality, can’t see the difference between my nightmares, the things I wish would never become true, and the realities of all those around me.

Seeing through their eyes makes my eyes water.

The sadness creeps in.

Sometimes I wish I could make it all stop.

But I can’t.

All those realities are real. I hear the clock ticking. And I know the world is on fire.

I feel. And that tightness, and that knot, it isn’t there to haunt me every day. 

No.

It is a reminder.

A fire can be extinguished. A tightness can be released, a knot can be undone. The clock keeps on ticking, true, but I can lower the volume on that.

So I choose to act. I choose to use these feelings as my armour, as my sister in arms who tells me: do not give up. Do not abandon the realities of others. Fires can be extinguished if we cut off the spark.

So do not give up. Fight today’s fires. Be kind, never apologise for doing what is good and right, do not give in to the sometimes seemingly overwhelming strong forces at play.
Take a breath, and find courage in the knowledge that:

We are a force too.
This is the point of no return. 

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